It’s that time of year again… time for me to celebrate my Twitch moderator anniversary with @PhummyLW.
Considering that I only post about this once a year, you might not have any context behind this and have no idea what I’m talking about. If that’s the case, then there are two pieces of prerequisite reading to get caught up: my restaurant reviews of the Capital Grille in Costa Mesa, California and Bello by Sandro Nardone in Newport Beach, California. If you don’t know how to read, the simple summary is that I go to a high-end restaurant together with my Twitch moderator once a year to treat him to a nice dinner on the anniversary of him becoming my mod.
This year, Phummy asked me to take him to THE RANCH Restaurant in Anaheim, California. For those who read my most recent blog post, that’s the reason I was staying at the JW Marriott, Anaheim Resort—so I could be in relatively close proximity to the restaurant (and because I enjoy going for walks around the Anaheim Convention Center, Disneyland Resort, and Anaheim GardenWalk areas).
As a side note, for those who are paying extra close attention, this blog post is a bit late for a few reasons. First, we had our dinner last Friday, but I didn’t have a chance to get around to blogging about it until today because I recently had some extremely packed weeks of work, so I’ve been spending the last several days balancing it out by playing video games (which is rare for me now), watching movies (which is even rarer), and just relaxing in general after doing only core work of critical or time-sensitive importance. Second, our actual anniversary is in the middle of Phummy’s final exam week at his university, so we decided to wait for him to wrap up so he can focus fully on excelling in his academics.
Upon our arrival at the restaurant, the hostess confirmed our reservation and brought us to our table. While walking us there, she asked if we were celebrating a special occasion. Phummy, of course, confidently informed her that we are celebrating our anniversary, and ended it at that. I, of course, have to clarify that we are celebrating a work anniversary and that we are not a gay couple. The hostess found that very amusing.
After being seated, a couple of other staff members asked us whether we were celebrating anything special, upon which we repeated the process of Phummy proudly declaring that we are celebrating our anniversary, and me needing to stipulate that it is a work anniversary. Everyone who spoke with us seemed to find the dynamic very amusing.
Not long afterwards, Phummy let me know that, when he booked the reservation on the restaurant’s website, he put a note in the “special request” section to make the experience as romantic as possible for us. If you haven’t noticed by now, Phummy finds great enjoyment in intentionally making the “anniversary” term confusing or misleading for people in hopes that they think we are a gay couple.
After speaking with us, it seemed like all the staff members were very on board with joining Phummy in trolling me and really emphasizing just the “anniversary” part of “work anniversary.” What I think happened was that the hostess and staff saw Phummy’s special request, but when we walked in, we didn’t look anything like a romantic couple, so they held back under the belief that there had been some kind of error or misunderstanding. However, after confirming directly with us about our “relationship,” it seemed like every staff member enthusiastically committed to Phummy’s joke.
While we were deciding what to eat, we were brought out some complimentary bread. There were seven orbs of five different kinds of bread arranged in a flower shape. This is the first restaurant that I’ve ever seen do something like this, and I appreciated their creativity. The bread quality was also pretty good, though I didn’t have that much of it because I didn’t want to fill up my stomach too much with carbs.
I accidentally came into this dinner not hungry because there was a bit of a mix-up. Phummy originally told me that the dinner was on Saturday the 23rd, but then later said that apparently the reservation actually went through for Friday the 22nd instead. I confirmed the schedule change and updated it in my calendar, but I guess I forgot to update it in my brain. I accidentally ate some free dinner at my hotel’s restaurant on Friday with my elite status vouchers, and only after finishing two entrées did I remember that I was supposed to meet up with Phummy. Thus, my meal at THE RANCH was actually my second dinner of the day.
Our waiter asked if we wanted to order any drinks. I told him that I don’t drink alcohol, but gestured over to Phummy to see if he wanted anything. I then found out / remembered that Phummy is not yet of legal alcohol drinking age in the United States. So instead, we both ordered mocktails.
I ordered a hibiscus and jalapeño mocktail. It was quite strong and intense, and it gave a nice kick every sip.
While delivering our drinks, the waiter asked what kind of work anniversary we were celebrating, i.e., what we do for our jobs. This is a bit of a complex question, considering that my main job is being the Director of Corporate Operations at Tempo, and my secondary job is being a business consultant, and Phummy doesn’t work together with me in either of those. I told our waiter that, and then further elaborated that Phummy is a Twitch moderator, which in normal people terms, is functionally similar to being a personal digital media assistant. Our waiter was very interested in this, so he stood at our table for a few minutes while I fairly thoroughly explained everything.
Then I looked over at Phummy. His drink was already empty.
The waiter asked Phummy if he wanted another one, to which he confirmed.
For our appetizer, we got a Robbins Island Tasmanian Wagyu Beef carpaccio with white alba clamshell mushrooms, black truffle, wild arugula, and pecorino romano.
This was good, but the beef was sliced comically thin. And yes, I understand that the entire point of carpaccio is to cut the fish or meat into thin slices, but this beef carpaccio was so thin that it basically just ripped apart from its own weight when I tried to pick it up.
The greens supplemented the meat flavor very well. I took some of the vegetables and placed them on top of the carpaccio, then rolled it up as best I could; this made for some satisfying and well-rounded bites.
While we were having our appetizer, the waiter came back with Phummy’s second drink. I don’t quite remember exactly what all the components of the drink were, but as you can probably tell, it was a citrus-based mocktail.
The main menu had a lot of nice beef options, but was fairly limited in seafood. I’m still trying to avoid red meat where possible in order to reduce saturated fat consumption, lower cholesterol, and maintain heart health (and because I just like seafood better anyway). Thus, I was tentatively deciding on getting pan-seared halibut. However, there was also a special farm menu that day with a few additional options.
I ended up ordering pistachio-crusted Colorado lamb chops with whole grain mustard spätzle, green garbanzo beans, red spring onions, ramp chimichurri, and lamb jus as my main entrée. Yes, lamb is still red meat, but lamb is not as common as beef, poultry, or fish in the United States, so when there is a high-quality lamb dish at a restaurant, I will usually get it.
This lamb was great, but interestingly, I actually enjoyed the spätzle as the most notable part of the dish. The texture and doneness level of the pasta was perfect, both when eating it on its own as well as when combining it with a bite of lamb.
For my side, I got some grilled asparagus.
Separate from both the main menu and the side farm menu were a few special unlisted dishes, one of which was a filet mignon. Phummy is a fan of filet mignon, so that’s the dish he ordered; it came topped with a bone marrow compound butter sauce crust as a supplement, as well as with an included side of potato fingerlings.
For his side, he got lobster mac and cheese, composed of house-made pasta and Vermont white cheddar.
I ended up not being able to finish my lamb chops and asparagus, so I asked for it to be put in a to-go container. I technically could’ve finished it if I really pushed myself, but I wanted to still leave a little bit of room for dessert.
Phummy and I each ordered one dessert, but when the waiter came back, he had three plates. One of them was a complimentary celebratory dessert on the house—a Tahitian vanilla bean crème brûlée with seasonal madeleines. They wrote “Happy Anniversary” on the plate with chocolate from a piping bag.
My dessert was a hazelnut crunch bar with praline crunch, chocolate crémeux, caramelized hazelnuts, Valrhona Caramélia chocolate mousse, caramel sauce, and vanilla ice cream.
Phummy opted for the Milky Way, made with República del Cacao chocolate, malted nougat, and salted caramel ice cream.
While he was consuming it, we had an interesting discussion about the trademark implications of naming their dessert the Milky Way, and whether it would constitute infringement under the standards of likelihood of confusion. My conclusion was that, yes, the fact that they named this the Milky Way would indeed likely fall under infringement territory.
After we finished all three desserts, the waiter brought out our check. To further commit to the anniversary joke, he wrote “Happy Anniversary!” at the top of our receipt.
Here is a photograph of the main dining area of the restaurant.
While stopping by the restroom, I noticed that the door to a vacant private dining area was left open. I peeked inside and snapped a photograph.
On our way out, the hostess gave us one final departing “happy anniversary!”
This is what the restaurant looks like from the outside. The left door leads to the restaurant, while the right door leads to the saloon.
Thinking back, I probably should’ve checked out what the saloon looks like while I was there, even if it was just for a few minutes. The entryway was delineated with stanchions though, so I guess it is possible that they were having a special event there and we might not have even been allowed in as non-ticketed guests.
| Wagyu beef carpaccio | $ 25.00 |
| Colorado lamb chops | $ 74.00 |
| Filet mignon | $ 74.00 |
| Bone marrow crust | $ 15.00 |
| Asparagus | $ 18.00 |
| Lobster mac ‘n’ cheese | $ 30.00 |
| Hazelnut crunch bar | $ 17.00 |
| Milky Way | $ 17.00 |
| Vanilla crème brûlée | $ 0.00 |
| Mocktail ×3 | $ 36.00 |
| Bottled water ×4 | $ 40.00 |
| Sales tax (7.75%) | $ 26.82 |
| Gratuity | $ 90.00 |
| Total | $ 462.82 |
The table to the right shows how much I paid.
The restaurant offers valet parking, but they also had a free self parking option in an adjacent lot right on the opposite side of a nearby fence, easily within walking distance.
I am about 98% sure that both Phummy and I drank regular house filtered water and not bottled water. However, I was charged for four bottles of water at US$10.00 each. Usually, the way to know for sure that you are getting paid, premium water is that they will bring the glass bottles directly to you and leave them on your table, and they definitely did not do that for us. Thus, I’m pretty sure that I ended up inadvertently paying for a different table’s luxury water supply. Having an excess US$40.00 on your bill isn’t really the best feeling, but I’m over it at this point; I had a chance to audit the check before remitting payment, so I bear a lot of the fault for not catching it before handing over my credit card.
If you’ve read my previous restaurant reviews, you may have picked up on the fact that I am very much against the United States’ tipping culture, and I will usually only add on around 15% in gratuity to my bill. However, I still assess this on a case-by-case basis, and when I notice that the staff is going noticeably beyond what I think is the standard of service, I am happy to tip more generously. Every single staff member we encountered at THE RANCH was stellar, and I could tell that they genuinely wanted to give Phummy a fun, memorable experience. Thus, my ~26% gratuity isn’t me being a hypocrite; I just thought they deserved it in this instance. Also, technically, considering that I paid an extra US$40.00 for water that I’m pretty sure we did not get, if you recalculate that as if it was extra gratuity, then I guess tipping US$130.00 on a new US$306.00 subtotal is… over 42%. 😶
Overall, I thought the food was great, but I am undecided on the value for the cost. For comparison, this is right around the price point of last year’s Chef’s Table, and I thought the experience with Chef Frankie was a league or two above THE RANCH with regards to ingredient quality, dish preparation, and portion size. The service was top-tier at both locations, but was just different; Bello by Sandro Nardone focused on chef-to-diner personalization, while THE RANCH had a broadly supportive and attentive staff.
If you’re interested in dining at THE RANCH but are concerned about the price point, I think one thing to keep in mind is that you can be a lot smarter about assembling a good meal without spending as much as I did. I think our waiter noticed that I didn’t really mind what the price was of anything, so he did a great job upselling us by describing add-ons like drinks and supplements in a very appetizing way, and reminding us about side dishes. If you’re not getting what is basically the most expensive dish in every single category, then I imagine your bill will be much more manageable than this.
Phummy is already thinking ahead to next year’s anniversary dinner and figuring out what kinds of unique and special things we can do for it. I guess I have to wait patiently for another eleven and a half more months to figure out how he plans on trolling me next…