I spent the day at home today.

Before my mom left this morning to tend to the family business, she left some food for me in the re­frig­er­a­tor. It was tteokbokki, which is Korean-style rice cake with seasoning.

A lot of different stuff can be added in with the seasoning; my mom decided to put in some garlic, other boiled vegetables, and hard-boiled eggs.

I decided to eat this tteokbokki for lunch.

I mindlessly removed it from the refrigerator and put it in the microwave for two minutes.

A minute and a half later, I hear an explosion.

I realize that a hard-boiled egg had blown up.

Remembering too late that hard-boiled eggs explode in the microwave, I grudgingly get some paper towels and wipe down the inside of the microwave, dabbing at the remains of the splattered egg yolk. I yank out the rotating tray and wipe it down with a wet rag. After a handful of minutes, everything is cleaned up and ready to be used to continue heating my food.

But I’m not as retarded as you might think. I carefully inspect the food and find another hard-boiled egg. I furiously hack at it with my chopsticks until it’s in 12 different pieces. If there’s no albumen encasing the yolk, there obviously is nothing there to hold in the pressure and explode.

I put everything back in the microwave and set it for another two minutes.

A minute later the hacked up eGG EXPLODES ANYWAY HOW IS THAT EVEN PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE

I spend another five minutes re-cleaning the inside of the microwave.

Before putting the food back in the microwave for a third time, I just completely remove all the egg from the bowl and furiously let it fall in the trash.

…

There was a third egg hiding under the tteok.

I cleaned my microwave

three times

today.