Response to Tolman’s “Dilemmas of Desire” (2002)

Here’s another paper I wrote for my adolescent development in social contexts class for your reading pleas­ure.

The assignment was to write a response paper as a reflection on one of the class readings. The content of the response paper is pretty open ended: “they may be a critical response to or exploration of a portion of the readings, a comparison of the issues raised in two or more readings, or an analysis of reading in light of broader issues that have been discussed in class.”

In “Geographies of Desire,” a chapter of the 2002 publication Dilemmas of Desire: Teenage Girls Talk about Sexuality, Deborah L. Tolman addresses the differences among perceptions of sexuality between teenage girls who grew up in urban and suburban areas. One of the primary overarching themes is that most teenage girls in both environments are conscious about themes of sexuality, and act in ways that demonstrate their understanding of the consequences and implications of engaging in sexual activity. They also showed that they were not naïve of sexual violence, and those who have experienced personal cases of sexual violence in the past have changed how they feel about sexuality in response to the encoun­ter.

One particular thing that stood out to me in the article is how the interviewed teenage girls responded to male sexual aggression: “virtually all of the girls held themselves responsible for what occurs in heterosexual relationships, especially sexual events; with the exception of Paulina, few in either group held boys or men accountable for their sexual aggression” (172). I was surprised to read this as their response, as I generally believed most people were split about half-and-half between blaming the victim and blaming the aggressor, with some holding a balanced position between the two.

During my time as an undergraduate student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, there was a widely publicized case of some fraternity members raping a young woman. This set off a movement that resulted in some people blowing the case out of proportion and attempting to force penectomies onto sexually aggressive males. These two cases – the teenage girls taking full responsibility, and the witch hunters placing fully responsibility on the males – seem to be the two extreme ends of the argument. Although it’s generally a good idea to let the over-enthused demonstrators do what they want and attempt to ignore them, I feel like letting the teenage girls maintain their current thoughts is not a good idea, and those who act as guidance figures to them should make sure they don’t feel they are fully responsible in the case that they are raped.

When explaining the concept of who is at fault at rape, I like to make comparisons to other crimes that are less stigmatic to the victim, such as theft. For example, a teenage girl might leave her purse and other belong­ings exposed and unattended in a public location while she goes to get a snack at the vending machine. Upon her return, she realizes that her belong­ings have been stolen. In this situation, it is important to understand that the teenage girl is partially at fault because she should have been more cautious with her belongings. How­ever, it is also important to understand that the criminal is also at fault, because (s)he should not be stealing in the first place and has committed an immoral act. Tolman’s findings during the interview with the teenage girls suggests that, in a situation like this theft, the girls only blame themselves for being careless, and do not think about blaming the criminal for being a bad person.

It is vital for sexual health educators to implement this into their curriculum because teenage girls who experience sexual violence have shown signs of long-term sexual health damage: “suburban girls who had not reported sexual violence were almost six times more likely [than urban girls] to tell a narrative about their own desire with a central theme of pleasure” (182). By ensuring that victimized girls understand that they can safely blame the perpetrator, rather than keeping all the blame to themselves, it will allow them to achieve a level of absolution and comfort that will help them mature in a more positive direction.

In summary, I was surprised that the girls Tolman interviewed for her piece did not have a clear perspective on who is at fault in a case of rape. I feel it is important for educators to instill into teenagers the ability to form a balanced judgment about the level of guilt of both parties. I believe this improved awareness will lead to better sexual health, as well as a decreased likelihood that a case of sexual violence will cause harmful long-term effects on sexuality.

 

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